New Appointment

I finally got the next appointment scheduled in my quest for weight loss surgery. Tuesday at 10am. This appointment is with the coorindinator who will (hopefully) get my appointment with the dietitian set up. The appointment with the dietitian is the most important right now because it FINALLY starts my six month insurance required supervised weight loss efforts.

She'll also be setting up my sleep study and my psych eval. On the insurance front I've just got $50 left to pay of my deductible then it's just (i hope!) co pays for there on out.

I'll update again after my appointment on Tuesday.

Forgot Again

I can't believe that I forgot to call the dietitian again! I literally just remembered a few minutes ago. I wrote myself a note to call tomorrow, I know I can't forget 3 days in a row.

I joined a WLS forum today and posted my intro, I hope I can meet a few nice people who understand what I'm feeling. I don't know though, it's easier to put what I'm feeling on here because I don't know if anyone is actually reading this blog. Posting there they know who I am and vice versa, we'll see I guess.

I'm not as sad/scared/depressed today as I have been. I actually feel back to my normal optimistic self. I can do this!

Feeling terrified.

I'm feeling a little terrified today. I'm scared about having surgery, I'm scared to lose weight, but I'm scared to stay fat. I'm terrified about having pounds and pounds of loose hanging skin, but is having pounds and pounds of hanging fat better? Probably not.

I hate having to admit to people that no, I'm not having gastric bypass surgery like I've been saying for the past couple of months. I really hate having to admit that I'm too fat for it so we have to do TWO weight loss operations. It's disgusting, I'M disgusting. I feel disgusting and I don't like feeling that way. I've been fat all my life, but really and honestly I haven't felt disgusting all my life. Sure I've had my days, but lately I really hate the way I look. I "almost" don't blame random people for making fun of me, and that alone makes me cry.

How did I get to this spot in my life? I have to change. I HAVE TO. I don't want my little boy to be ashamed of his mommy. I don't want other kids to make fun of him because his mommy is the size of 3 people. I want to be able to do things with him and right now I just can't. For the FIRST time in my life I understand what people mean when they say they "feel trapped in their own body", cause that's what I've been feeling lately.

Anyway, I forgot to call the dietitian to set up my first appointment, you'd think I would remember since this has been on my mind all day, but no, I remembered at like 5:30pm too late to call. I'll call tomorrow.

I want to do this. I'm just scared, I hope that's normal.

Too Fat for a Bypass

Ok, so I'm too fat for the traditional Gastric Bypass.

I was exactly 400 pounds on the nose and my BMI is 67 which puts me into the Super Super Morbidly Obese category. Didn't know that existed did ya? Well it does and there's actually one more level. A BMI of 70+ is considered Ultra Morbidly Obese.

What the surgeon wants to do with me is to do a Gastric Sleeve, which really just means he wants to remove 85% of my stomach. The plan is for me to do the gastric sleeve, lose 100-150 pounds, then do the actual Gastric Bypass to get me to a normal weight.

Talk about depressing, I never thought I was too big for Gastric Bypass, the thought just didn't occur to me. So next on my list is to schedule my first meeting with the dietitians. I'll post again when I know when that appointment is going to be.

The Introduction

Okay, so we'll get the basics out of the way first. My name is Trish, I'm 31 (almost 32), I have a 3 1/2 year old son and I'm engaged to an awesome guy. I'm also FAT, technically speaking Super Morbidly Obese. I didn't think there was anything worse than Morbidly Obese, I was wrong. I'm 5'6" and I weigh a little over 400 pounds. I've tried TONS of diets, had a little success, but it was always short-lived and I gained back what I lost then some. I think my final option is Gastric Bypass Surgery. I've made my mind up about this, to me it's worth the risks. This blog is going to be about my journey up to the actual surgery, and then (hopefully) my weight loss after it's complete.

I've wanted to get this surgery for awhile, I've researched it and been to a seminar held by the doctor who performs them in my area. I've never had the means to actually get it done though, until now. My insurance covers the procedure now. All I need to do for them to pay for it is 6 months of supervised weight loss efforts. My first appointment with the gastric bypass surgeon is tomorrow. I'm excited to get this started. By the end of the year I should have the procedure done and am working on losing weight.

I probably will not blog daily, but I will blog after every doctor's appointment up to the actual procedure then I'm going to try to blog daily and post what I eat, what I'm doing as exercise, etc.

That's all for today, I'll blog again tomorrow after my first appointment!