Mostly alot of nothing.

I haven't posted in awhile. Everything is pretty much the same. I'm still waiting to get my CPAP machine. It's going to cost me a little over $150, which I don't have at the moment so I'm not in a hurry to get the machine. I had to cancel the appointment with the Psychologist, my new appointment is August 3rd. I've also got my 3rd nutritionist appointment on the 15th, these are so boring. I'm so ready to just get this surgery over with, all this crap is starting to get really old.

Sleep Apnea/Restless Leg Syndrome - 2nd Sleep Study

Well, I do have Sleep Apnea and Restless Leg Syndrome. They classified the Sleep Apnea as Moderate to Severe. I had my second sleep study last night to get fitted for a CPAP machine. I actually slept better last night than I did during the first one, even with the mask on. I was really surprised. I tried a full face mask first, one that covers both my nose and my mouth. I thought I would like that one better because I tend to breathe from both my nose and mouth, but after about 30 minutes I had to switch to the nose only mask. After I switched I fell asleep pretty quickly. It was a little hard to only breathe through my nose, but eventually I got used to it. They start the CPAP machine on a level 4 then raise it through out the night to find out where you need it. Mine got raised to a 13, seems like a high number. The doctor will offically pick the number and write me a prescription for the machine. I'm still on the fence about actually using the thing at home.

On another note, I went to my family doctor on Thursday. I utterly and completely dispise him and I will NOT go back to him. Everything that is wrong with me is weigh related and he won't even consider anything else causing the problem. That just pisses me off, honestly I think he is a fat hater. I don't think he has to love overweight people, but I think he needs to be fair and he's NOT. You tell me how me having pain in my shoulder is caused by my being overweight. Not to mention the fact that apparently he's against giving out medications. I have shoulder, knee, and back pain and he gives me NOTHING. It's not like i'm some junkie addicted to pain killers, but when I'm in pain, I want something to make it stop. I don't think that's unreasonable.

Well, that's it for now.

2nd Nutritionist Appointment

It was pretty much more of the same. These appointments are going to get old fast. I weighed the same again, which irritates me, but it's nobody's fault but my own. There's not really anything else to say, so that's it.

The Cost of a Sleep Study.

My total cost for the sleep study that I had in May was $4086.54. THAT'S EXPENSIVE!! Holy Cow!

Thankfully, my insurance is pretty good and of that $4086.54 I have to pay $565.94. Not too bad I guess, I'd rather pay nothing but the $565.94 is ALOT better than the $4086.54 so I won't complain.

I have an appointment with the nutritionist on Tuesday of next week. I'm anxious to get it over with and get the 3rd one scheduled since there is a small possibility that insurance will approve my surgery then, but I HIGHLY doubt that they will. We'll see I guess.

Other than the above, not alot going on still. This is such a LONG process.

Nothing new.

Nothing new to report, not really anyway. I'm waiting for my two appointments in June and the results of my sleep study.

I have been able to quit drinking soda, at least for last three weeks. That's a good thing for me, I've never been able to go this long without soda. I did have a helluva headache for about a week, but it's good now.

That's it for now.

Feeling the Effects

Lately I've really been feeling the effects of being 250 pounds overweight. You would have thought it would be a slow build up, but no it really seems like over the past year I've really been feeling it. I'm am tired all the time lately and I usually get plenty of sleep. My feet hurt all the time, and it's a thousand times worse on the days I work. My knee has been getting worse, as has my back. I've also noticed that my ankles are swelling like they did when I was pregnant, and believe me I'm NOT pregnant. I honestly just feel like I'm 95 years old. It makes me sad because I'm only 32 years old. What's going to happen when I'm 40? If for some reason I don't get this surgery I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think I can go on much longer feeling the way I have been lately. Maybe I'm getting depressed, but honestly I've never been depressed in my life.

But then my little guy Christopher can always make me smile.

Sleep Study

The sleep study SUCKED. I hated every minute of it.

It is almost impossible to sleep with 2565895747954 wires connected to your head, legs and hand. I'm praying that I don't have sleep apnea because I don't look forward to another sleep study. All those stupid wires make it almost impossible to move while you sleep, and I'm a tosser and turner. It didn't feel like I slept at all. I left at 5am and came home and slept better in the 3 1/2 hours before I had to go to work than I did all night at the sleep lab.

A Food Journal

In order to really try to meet my 4 goals from my dietitian appointment I'm going to start a food journal. I've done this many many times in the past and it really does help to hold you accountable. I'm going to start this Monday.

My sleep study is tomorrow night. I'm a little nervous, although ultimately I think I'll sleep fine, but we'll see. It's mostly just a pain in the butt because of work. I have to work all day Saturday, then go to the hospital, sleep, then go back to work the next morning. I'll get through it, but it still sucks.

First dietitian appointment.

I weighed the same 411 pounds. I met with a very nice woman although I can't remember her name at the moment. We talked about what I expected, what I eat during a day, how that has to change. Honestly she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. We set a few small goals for myself. Nothing too hard, well it shouldn't be anyway.

1. Reduce all soda to 1 or less per day.
2. Reduce fast food consumption by half.
3. Drink 64oz - 75oz of water per day
4. Choose better snacks.

I think I can do this without too much effort. I hope I can lose 4 or 5 pounds by my next appointment which is June 15.

New Appointments

The calls I've been waiting on have finally started coming in. I have an appointment with the dietitians on Tuesday and then I'm having the sleep study on Saturday night.

The sleep study is inconvenient to say the least though. I have to work 9am to 6pm that day and I have to be at the hospital at 8pm. So I'll only have enough time to come home, cook dinner, spend a very small amount of time with Chris and Danny then off to the hospital. I also have to be at work by 10am the next morning. I want to just get it over with though. I'm scared that I have sleep apnea. I so do not want to have to get one of those stupid machines.

I've also been feeling like this surgery isn't going to happen this year. I don't know, it's just with not being able to get it at Schneck, I feel that something major will happen to delay it if I try going to another hospital. We shall see I guess. I more determined than ever to get this done, even if it takes longer than I had hoped.

Another appointment out of the way.

I just got back from my appointment with Cathy the Bariatric Coordinator. It was pretty much just an informational meeting. I got weighed again this time I weighed 411 pounds. I have a hard time believing I gained 11 pounds in two weeks, but whatever. I might not be able to have my surgery at the hospital that I want too due to insurance. I guess the hospital that I have the surgery at has to be a "center of excellence" and my hospital isn't yet. I was told they will be in the coming months but possibly not in time for me to have surgery there. If I have to have surgery somewhere else all my stuff will transfer to the new surgeon and I'll still have my aftercare here. Seems like a pain in the ass to me though.

Cathy said that the dietitian, sleep study, and psych eval people will call me to set up appointments by the end of next week. This is such a long process, but it's necessary I guess.

Oh, I Cathy also took my "before" pictures today. I really want to get to the "after" pictures!

That's it for today. I'll blog again when something new happens.

New Appointment

I finally got the next appointment scheduled in my quest for weight loss surgery. Tuesday at 10am. This appointment is with the coorindinator who will (hopefully) get my appointment with the dietitian set up. The appointment with the dietitian is the most important right now because it FINALLY starts my six month insurance required supervised weight loss efforts.

She'll also be setting up my sleep study and my psych eval. On the insurance front I've just got $50 left to pay of my deductible then it's just (i hope!) co pays for there on out.

I'll update again after my appointment on Tuesday.

Forgot Again

I can't believe that I forgot to call the dietitian again! I literally just remembered a few minutes ago. I wrote myself a note to call tomorrow, I know I can't forget 3 days in a row.

I joined a WLS forum today and posted my intro, I hope I can meet a few nice people who understand what I'm feeling. I don't know though, it's easier to put what I'm feeling on here because I don't know if anyone is actually reading this blog. Posting there they know who I am and vice versa, we'll see I guess.

I'm not as sad/scared/depressed today as I have been. I actually feel back to my normal optimistic self. I can do this!

Feeling terrified.

I'm feeling a little terrified today. I'm scared about having surgery, I'm scared to lose weight, but I'm scared to stay fat. I'm terrified about having pounds and pounds of loose hanging skin, but is having pounds and pounds of hanging fat better? Probably not.

I hate having to admit to people that no, I'm not having gastric bypass surgery like I've been saying for the past couple of months. I really hate having to admit that I'm too fat for it so we have to do TWO weight loss operations. It's disgusting, I'M disgusting. I feel disgusting and I don't like feeling that way. I've been fat all my life, but really and honestly I haven't felt disgusting all my life. Sure I've had my days, but lately I really hate the way I look. I "almost" don't blame random people for making fun of me, and that alone makes me cry.

How did I get to this spot in my life? I have to change. I HAVE TO. I don't want my little boy to be ashamed of his mommy. I don't want other kids to make fun of him because his mommy is the size of 3 people. I want to be able to do things with him and right now I just can't. For the FIRST time in my life I understand what people mean when they say they "feel trapped in their own body", cause that's what I've been feeling lately.

Anyway, I forgot to call the dietitian to set up my first appointment, you'd think I would remember since this has been on my mind all day, but no, I remembered at like 5:30pm too late to call. I'll call tomorrow.

I want to do this. I'm just scared, I hope that's normal.

Too Fat for a Bypass

Ok, so I'm too fat for the traditional Gastric Bypass.

I was exactly 400 pounds on the nose and my BMI is 67 which puts me into the Super Super Morbidly Obese category. Didn't know that existed did ya? Well it does and there's actually one more level. A BMI of 70+ is considered Ultra Morbidly Obese.

What the surgeon wants to do with me is to do a Gastric Sleeve, which really just means he wants to remove 85% of my stomach. The plan is for me to do the gastric sleeve, lose 100-150 pounds, then do the actual Gastric Bypass to get me to a normal weight.

Talk about depressing, I never thought I was too big for Gastric Bypass, the thought just didn't occur to me. So next on my list is to schedule my first meeting with the dietitians. I'll post again when I know when that appointment is going to be.

The Introduction

Okay, so we'll get the basics out of the way first. My name is Trish, I'm 31 (almost 32), I have a 3 1/2 year old son and I'm engaged to an awesome guy. I'm also FAT, technically speaking Super Morbidly Obese. I didn't think there was anything worse than Morbidly Obese, I was wrong. I'm 5'6" and I weigh a little over 400 pounds. I've tried TONS of diets, had a little success, but it was always short-lived and I gained back what I lost then some. I think my final option is Gastric Bypass Surgery. I've made my mind up about this, to me it's worth the risks. This blog is going to be about my journey up to the actual surgery, and then (hopefully) my weight loss after it's complete.

I've wanted to get this surgery for awhile, I've researched it and been to a seminar held by the doctor who performs them in my area. I've never had the means to actually get it done though, until now. My insurance covers the procedure now. All I need to do for them to pay for it is 6 months of supervised weight loss efforts. My first appointment with the gastric bypass surgeon is tomorrow. I'm excited to get this started. By the end of the year I should have the procedure done and am working on losing weight.

I probably will not blog daily, but I will blog after every doctor's appointment up to the actual procedure then I'm going to try to blog daily and post what I eat, what I'm doing as exercise, etc.

That's all for today, I'll blog again tomorrow after my first appointment!